What Women Want!!!

I don’t know how I got here… But it feels nice to be in here I thought… The sun was shining as bright as it can but with the coldness that a moon can give… Gentle breeze was enhancing it further more… I was a little perplexed because such an environment can only be compared with heaven… “You are right” I heard a voice say. I searched for from where the voice came and asked who it was. “You are in Heaven my Son.” the same voice again but no trace of anyone. This time I got irritated and demanded that I know who was talking to me.  The sunlight was dimming slowly and I could see someone as if the sun was appearing in human form. It was my Boss!!! I was again surprisingly shocked thinking how my Boss got here and why is he talking to me so calmly and friendly. As far I remember my Boss, it was only shouting to the top of his voice and demanding for work and target, work and target!!!

Out of curiosity I asked,” Sir, what are you doing here?” He replied back,” I am here all the time; you are new to this place. This is Heaven.” I thought mera Boss mere se majak kar raha hai…. But then I followed this mantra which I do every time,” Boss is always right!!! So I asked him, “Sir, What am I doing in Heaven?” I knew it was coming. Shouting on top of his voice again he said,” Tere ko pata nahi tu kya karne aaya hai… Kaisa aadmi hai tu? Tu aadmi hai ya Bandar?” At this, I could only gaze at him waiting for him to finish which from my assumption could last forever and in the end I always knew that I will not get the answers for my question but only some doubts added to my previous question. He was still on,” Heaven mein kaun aata hai pata hai? Tera dharti par kaam khatm ho gaya hai isiliye tu yaha hai…!!!” I was shocked to hear this… Am I dead??? With tears filled in eyes I asked,” Sir, mere is saal ke targets bhi complete nahi hue. Fir dharti par mera kaam kaise khatm ho sakta hai?” My Boss whom I thought is my Boss said,” Stop calling me Sir, call me God.”

Oh My God!!! I exclaimed. “Yes” he said… “Sir”, I said, “I mean God, is it really You? I don’t believe this, am I seeing God, I mean am I dead L ?” I was hell confused. God says to me, “Yes son, your time on earth had come to an end. I feel sad for you but now you have to work in Heaven for me”. On this I really thought it is my Boss speaking to me… Thinking what more can I do as I have no choice but to accept the bitter fact that I am dead… Then I thought of asking God the question that was pricking me all this time I was alive. I gently asked, “God, can I ask you one question which I wanted to ask for a very long time.” Go ahead ask anything, God said to me. “What Women Want God? I never really got a chance to know that. Perhaps you can give me the answer to this complicated question”. On this God tells me, “Sharad, I am sending you back. Once you get to know, inform me, so that I can call you back and know the answer myself… L”  On this I can only remember God throwing me down the skies as I was dropping inch by inch close to the earth and before I was smashed, I could open my eyes and realize that I am finally off sleep and it was only a dream.

Dreams don’t have any Logic but to this I thought to myself that some questions in life can even surprise the Almighty… ;) :D :D  

Gained Some... Lost Everything!!!! :(

I am a smart guy… That is because I use logic in whatever I do… But in spite of that I keep failing on most of the occasions… That is because I break my own ground rules or it is because somebody else is not letting me play as per my rules even though it is logically correct…

I was a kid when I first put my hands on gambling… There was an exhibition at Nasik wherein various stalls were put up… In one of the stalls there was this game called 7 up and 7 down… The game is something like this, they guy has two dices and he will roll them… before that we have to predict whether the sum that will come is more than 7, less than 7 or seven… if you are right you will get double the amount you have put and if the sum comes 7 and you predict it right you will get triple the price… I went there with something in mind… My thinking was every time I will guess only one possibility that is if I say 7 up in the first instance I will stick to it since the probability of getting 7 up was always a little less than ½… But the ground rule is what I commit first will be followed for every event after that… and the logic here was if I lose some money, in the next game I will put double the amount and predict for the same possible outcome… So I started with 5 rupees on board… Each time I lost I was doubling the amount and at some point I use to win… In this case I used to get all my money lost and additional 5 rupees… Net profit of 5… :)  The guy at the stall realized I am being cunning and he didn’t allow me to put more than 10 rupees at any point of time… I was taken aback but I had become so fond of it at that moment since I had won 20 rupees and thought I can bet on the profit earned… So this time again I started with 5 rupees and I lost… then I put 10 rupees as per my rule… But again I lost… now I was standing on net profit of 10 rupees… My friend suggested that we should go and buy some Ice Cream instead… But I didn’t listen to him and had bet again… In the end I lost the profit earned plus the money that I and my friend had. In order to recover the losses we lost everything and had to leave the exhibition without having any Ice Cream…

 So the learning we get is use logic only where it works… Also excess greed is the way for your in existence… You learn more things when you fail and it will benefit others along with you. I know it is uneasy to follow the above said as I myself find it difficult … But since Advice comes for free I give them… :) 

My Journey on Indian Railways– Tragic and Dramatic

Indian Railways!!!… There was once a time when I loved travelling by train… The beautiful countryside view, specialty of cities for their food and chatting with strangers… It was fun indeed… But my recent past experience with the Indian Railways has been intensely horrible… Situation had become so pathetic that I used to pinch myself after getting down at the destination to realize if I had really travelled all the way by this train and reached here…  First instance… Journey from Pune to Nasik…

Actually at that time around 5 or 6 years back, we didn’t have any direct trains from Pune to Nasik… The best way to commute was by Bus… But the fare was pretty high and since we were living life of Somalians as students, we used to grab every opportunity to save some money so that we can buy some extra “Vada Pavs” , for a movie and Party when we get back to Pune… ;) !!! Anyways so this was a journey when I and my three friends decided to go home by train one day…  We had to board two trains, one from Pune to Kalyan and then from Kalyan to Nasik. We had not booked our tickets and we were already running late… With great difficulty we managed the tickets and since ours was a general ticket and the bogie was at the end of the platform we ran like horses as the train started moving. But, there was also a donkey in the race…

One of my friends had brought his antique Baba Aalam ki Peti… A heavy suitcase with handle broken… three of us got into the running train but the friend with suitcase was left behind… Just when he was about to board the train his suitcase fell down and his hidden treasure was all out … The treasure inside can be best described by the Brand Dixcy or VIP… Actually I didn’t pay much heed to it since I was already frustrated that the train was moving and one of our Gang members has not boarded the train yet and his entire luggage is scattered on the floor… Then I got down the train helped pack the suitcase and without actually locking it we both carried it and handed the bag to one of our friends in the train and then we both somehow managed to get inside the running train once again… After getting into the train we laughed our lungs out at the situation which we thought perhaps would be the last in our lives… But I had many more to come after that and I didn’t really realize it at that moment… :( 

Journey No. 2, from Hyderabad to my Native place… I had booked tickets under Tatkal quota and was going to my native place after a really long time. Just on the day of journey there was a presentation of all us GETs (Graduate Engg. Trainees). It was kind of unscheduled but I couldn’t escape that. So I informed my HR that I have a train in the evening and need to give my presentation first so that after completing it I could move and catch my train.

Everything was set and just as I was about to give my presentation our Quality manager came forward and said he too had to move early for his train and wanted his quality guys to finish up with the presentation. I had no choice but to see the watch ticking and waiting for those guys to finish the presentation. Finally with blood boiling inside my body, I went up to give the presentation. I didn’t really have time and finished the 20 minutes presentation in 5 minutes mentioning that all the slides are self explanatory and didn’t require any explanation and that too with sky high confidence. I could see the entire management and others sitting there with a look I guess must be thinking, “Has this guy invented a new theory that we don’t understand?” But who cares I had to catch my train first. There is no need to mention that I had scored the least marks on that day. I still had 1 hour and station was 35Kms from the office. I had a hope that I might reach station on time. I had hired a direct Auto to station and even agreed to pay him 50 bucks extra. The Auto went zooming and now we had 15 minutes time, station was 1Km away. But time khota tha and we were caught in traffic. I waited 5 minutes or so waiting for the traffic to clear. Thinking that this is of no use I got down paid the Auto Driver and ran like a dog this time whose tail has been tied to burning crackers. At last I reached the Station.  

The train was supposed to come along Platform 1 but when I went there I couldn’t see any train. I waited there to catch my breath putting all the 3 bags down and then sat down thinking about the train. I needed to know if the train has already left or not. A policeman was passing by and I asked him,” Sir, Vishakha Express abhi tak aayi nahi? Mere ko usme jaana tha.” The policeman looked at me from top to bottom as if scanning me for something. He replied in his typical Hyderabadi accent,” Kya Miyaan, phone kayku nahi kiya tum?  Gadi rok ke rakhta tha na maii.”. It was like rubbing the salt on my wounds but I really liked his sense of humor ;) . I had missed my train. With great disappointment I came back home, my train gone, money wasted and also the holidays I thought. But luckily I got another train the next morning and was able to go to my Native place happily… J

I am sure Indian Railways has earned a good profit all this time mostly because I was there to pay for the entire journey and still sit on the platform after the train is gone. Journey from Hyderabad to my native place was one such incidence and again this is not the only. Will add some more of my experience with Indian Railways in the future next posts where things turned out to be more tragic and dramatic … ;)

Escaped with Unbanged Asses!!!

Hello People… Thanks for the positive response and compliments for the last Blog!!!.. I really appreciate that…. :) 

This time I would like to share a bit funny story which has been told by some people many times and I would like to publish it to many others...

Nope… It’s not about Love this time…!!! There are some other interesting facts in Life too… ;)

It goes back to the time when I was in second year of my Engineering… My Roomie was preparing hard for exams… But you know Engineering… How difficult it is… such a vast portion… so less time… and so many books to refer… Because of this my poor friend, found it HARD, to manage his backups and copies properly before the exam bell was about to ring… Then what… Jaise sabka Maalik ek … Vaise musibat ke time sabka Mai - Baap bhi ek hi tha… Actually I am referring myself here… ;) …

The guy was tensed and came to me… He said,” Naidu, ye Dieter tere pass rakh ( Dieter is the name of an author by the way who had written some crap on materials and stuff that I don’t want to discuss now) … mein tere ko msg karuga… mere ko is mein se answers msg kar dena…”… As it was my off that day and I was staying back in hostel it was easy for me to help him…. I said,” Tension mat le… Tu jaa.. Kuch bhi problem aaya to mein hoon.”.

So the guy left in peace and I was sitting in the room preparing myself as if I was giving some paper. At last, came a message from my friend asking some doubts… I thoroughly went through the Book “Dieter” to check where I can get the answers to his query… Actually he had asked me formula for some Law… and after doing extensive research I could find 5 formulas for the same Law… I didn’t know which one the Guy wanted… So I took my close approximation and texted him one out of the five formulas awaiting his confirmation if it is Ok… I had to take mobile from other friend of mine since I was having no balance left for any calls or messages… And as it was a noble cause people were willingly giving their share of charity… Since I like helping too much sometimes, I thought that the Guy might get confused on the formula that I sent and I decided to call him and confirm if the answers he got were Ok…

I called but nobody answered the call…. I called again, still the same result… But then what could I do??…. I called again and this time the Guy picked the call…. I was asking him, “Bhai… Sab thik hai na… Answers jo beja hai vo correct hai na??? tere ko samjha?  Koi problem to nahi na???”…. But nobody was answering at the other end and hanged the call on me…. I was irritated for the matter of fact, I was the one who is doing all this Bull Shit, wasting my own time helping and people hang on me without saying “Thank You”.. x-( !!! I was pissed off… I called again this time and abused the Guy left and right… straight for 2 minutes and the other end was in a Vacuum I guess as no sound was coming… Then I abused again asking why his mouth is shut…. Then came reply “ Are “*********” Exam likh raha hoon.”. Then I decided when the guy comes back to room I will teach him a lesson… (All abuses are censored)

It was evening… By this time Exam usually gets over… But my friend was nowhere to be seen… I thought may be his Paper didn’t go well and must have gone some place to relieve his sadness…. After a few hours or so, he came like a jumping Jack all excited and yelling… saying that “ Aaj to kissa ho gaya department mein… aaj to kissa ho gaya department mein.”. We were all curious and asked him what exactly happened… He said that HOD had called him after the exam and was scolding him for copying in the exams and that too over the phone… He then gave a question  mark expression as if he was blind on this issue and didn’t know anything… I was thinking that he wanted to confuse the HOD so that he can escape the Mess… After a tough battle with the HOD he was finally left unhurt and a strict warning…

He came happily to the room telling us his Mahabharatha… But the actual Mahabharatha was yet to be realized… Since my actions got him in trouble I apologized to him… He said, “Why are you apologizing?” And I said, “I should not have called you and abused you, it got you in trouble and I am sorry for that…!!!! :( ” … Then he asked me a question which blew us all present there!!!!

The question was, “Tune kab call kiya ?”. We were all like what the F**K happened then… I asked him, “ Jisne mere ko Gali di vo Kaun tha ?”… We asked him who was at the other end abusing when we had called. And then the entire story came to light…

Just before my friend could get my message.. His phone was snatched by the Invigilator… When I had called, it was the Invigilator who did not answer… when I called again and again he answered the call and got pissed off after listening to my melodious abuses… That day I had abused a lecturer and in return got back one from him… :D … Though we all abuse our lecturers behind their back… I actually got a chance to do that over the phone…. Not proud though but an honest mistake really…!!!.... Since I used my other friends phone all this time I was bound to escape the trouble and told my friend too that if something good happens I am in and if somebody has to drown in well it will be you… He got Shit scared but I was just kidding him…

Since I had called and helping my friend in exam over the phone… the Invigilator had handed the phone to HOD saying that students are copying over the phone … My poor friend since he hardly knew about the fact that I tried calling him couldn’t understand what the HOD was telling him… That day onwards mobiles in colleges were not allowed during examinations and technology was no more used for the wrong reasons thereafter… ;)... But the good thing is We escaped with Unbanged Asses.... and some sweet memories!!!

My Experience!!!

Basically I am a shy Guy.... I always think of what the person in front of me will think if I utter something Stupid... This case only applies to people who dont know me well... For people who know me very well I dont care if I utter something Silly, cause they already know I am silly.

Anyways I was about to talk something about my experience.. This time its about Love...!!!

I have fallen in Love more than Lava falling out of Mount Fuji... Each time the result was the same... My Love failed... and it failed miserably... But each time I learned something and tried to apply different theories and principle in the next mystery case....

Case 1): I fell in Love with a girl when my Junior was not even an inch long... It was in 4th Std of my schooling... I was a bright child in School, good at studies, sports and extra curricular and Bol Bachchan too!!!!... the last will always remain my speciality and my unique identity... But mind you my suggestions will only help you and never drown you in your life.. since it comes for free you can always invest your some amount of valuable time listening and even then you dont find it useful you can always drain it somewhere and I wont mind at all!!!!

Anyways lets not divert the topic here...

So the thing was the Girl was very pretty and very good at Studies as well unlike the other kinds who are good at only one area... Always a topper in class and I always had a miserable time beating her in the exams... I was the only Guy offering her a close competition since the other Guys were useless in this regard and to save themselves from some embarrassment they use to put me forward as their leader so that I come to Top and save some Image for the Boys species...But the basic thing is I liked the girl like anything but you know there was this ego thing... She was a topper... Always!!!.. and I had to show some attitude, cause if I let her know if I like her it would put me in the back foot (small Kids thinking that time cant help)...

I got promoted to Std. 5 in school.... This was a good year for me... I had topped in one of the unit tests that year and I had earned some reputation.. Teachers were all praises for me... This little girl got hurt a little... and in order to gain her position back she asked me in front of whole class and also our Class Teacher Jeoffery Sir that if she can share the seat with me in order to help herself in studies... Here my ego popped out and also a chance to retaliate on behalf of my Stupid Boys classmates and I denied her offer on her face.. But my little heart ached somewhere for this action of mine...!!! I didn't know that could prove a turning point in my life... After that day the girl never gave me a chance to come first in the Class.. I was always at least a mark behind her in all the exams and in one exam where we were tied at the first spot she went to the Class teacher and increased her score by one and emerge as a topper again... Now again it was a question of reputation and when i approached the Class teacher to increase my marks, he denied straightaway and I thought that the teachers are biased towards girls.. At this I thought its better to go in a school where there were supposedly no girls at all and I changed my school the next year... 

But my feelings for that girl were still the same... Years passed... School to High School... High School to Engineering College... and one fine day I got to know that the girl... "My Dream Girl".... is in the same Engineering College as mine... My feelings became strong as I sensed that this is some kind of Green Signal... Love was in the air... I was happy to find my lost Love... But there was a small Barrier... We both were studying in different Streams... But I thought I will change my Branch the next year and the possibility was great cause anybody could have exchanged a Mechanical Seat at that time... But Bad Luck guys... that year there were no Branch changes at all.. Only a few exceptions had been made for toppers.. As I had mentioned earlier I am shy.. always feared if anything goes wrong... things might end before it even begun... I always restrained myself.. Became double conscious whenever the girl was around me, in front of me or even talking to me... I felt like I should paint myself like a clown to hide the clown feeling I use to have in above mentioned situations... Since nothing was happening I thought of going for a wing man... I had found a perfect person.. Why perfect I will explain later... So i sought help of this person to get close to this girl who was a good friend of my wing man... Something was happening in this time.. We were at least able to go for a movie... I even dared to give her a special greeting card on Friendships Day which I had found after almost running 2 miles at night in an unknown area desperately to find some shop where I can get one... Some months passed by...things were moving quite slow as usual... And it was Valentines day one fine day.. I had gone with my friends for dinner that evening and while dropping some of our friends at Girls hostel, I saw my wing man with my Dream Girl and the matter became clear to me.. As I mentioned earlier I had found a Wing man who perfected in sidelining me and lining my Dream Girl... So the first lesson out of first Love experience was never to go for a wing man and never to hide your emotions... Jo bhi bolna khud bolna... straight bolna...aur jadi bolna...!!! I had decided in the next Love attempt to use this mantra to get success in my Love case...!!!.. How this mantra was used I will write very soon in next edition of "My Experience!!!"